November 03, 2003

you don't know how lovely you are

where are you tonight?
why are you not in my car, driving around with me, shouting earnest coldplay lyrics along with the stereo, in the cold(-ish) LA air, shouting some earnestness into the disaffectedness that inhabits this place, proving that we don't care, that we can thrive, we can thrive here, that nothing that has gone before is as important as this moment, with the windows down, the heat struggling to compensate, cigarettes lit, "singing, youuuuu are, youuuuuuu are."

I don't know. It's everything I fear, everything I always resist, but I wish you were here, I'm glad I miss you so badly, I'm glad I wrote this, I'm glad for everything that has happened, ever, because it's led to this point of me missing you, me knowing that things would be better if you were here, me feeling silly, me not caring, me driving down sunset, listening to Clocks, the sparse population of cars and pedestrians moving in time, but apart from the music, and knowing, if you were here, this wouldn't be as detached, in fact, it wouldn't be detached or alienating at all (even though I treasure the crystalline feeling this brings, the fragile emptyness that non-connection can bring, the beauty of separation driving in this metropolis and listening to staccato piano and properly plucked notes on a guitar can bring), it'd be better, it'd be whole, it'd be that way being with you can make me feel, that feeling like it doesn't matter if everything is ok, it doesn't matter that the world is crumbling, it doesn't matter that I can't write, that I don't understand anything, it just matters that you're here, with me.

Screaming into the cool night air, driving to nowhere.

Wish you were here.

Posted by orion at November 3, 2003 01:59 AM | TrackBack